...all I can feel is the Honking!

The Mist,
the distant skyscrapers,
the honking cars
and the orange setting sun,
is all I see
when I stand at the window
of my solitude.


Now that orange has turned into red
Dark red
and it has set further,
mist-grown;
the honking is still present,
very prominently audible
from where I stand!


The perfect red circle itself
has started fading,
making it difficult to envision
the distant scrapers.
The honking wont subside
and I am still here...
staring outside the window
of my solitude.


My confidence used to be
as bright as the sun,
my dreams,
as tall as those high-rises.
The honking will never go away.
Do I stand too high
to jump and still live?




...
.....
.......




and now that it has set,
dreams - blurred,
I think I shall take the leap,
not the one of faith.
...
finally, its dark...
and all I can feel is the honking!
..................................

उलझन

कैसा उलझा सा है मन,

कैसी राह चला जा रहा है?

समंदर के किनारे पहुँच कर,

लहरों से डरा जा रहा है|

कभी सीधा, कभी उल्टा,

भागता हि जा रहा है|

चढ़ती गिरती लहरों को देख 

और उलझता जा रहा है|

खुद हि बनाये थे वो रेत के किले

जिन्हें तोड़ता चला जा रहा है| 

दूर, सबसे दूर
बहुत दूर चला जा रहा है|

दिन रात सुबह शाम 
जाने क्यूँ सोचे जा रहा है?
पागल सा होके मन मेरा,

अकेला हि चला जा रहा है|  

अकेला हि चला जा रहा है|
अकेला हि चला जा रहा है||

- नितिन विषेन

Selfish enough to be myself?

I am scared;
scared to death.
I don't know of what?

I need money,
security.
I need all that
I don't have!

I am scared;
scared like hell
I can't even listen to myself!

I just let them
do it for me.
I cant even decide for myself!

I cant speak,
cant think,
cant do anything!
You know why?
because I am scared to death!

Scared of life,
Scared of its direction,
Scared of my own self-esteem,
Scared I am!

I want to be great!
Don't you?
And I understand
minus passion
I cant be!

I think I know
what I want to do!
Then why do I waste time
doing things I don't know
I love or don't?

Will someday
I find the courage
to stand, to defy,
to reach out
and be myself!

Will someday
i do
what i want to
not for bread
not for you
for me....just for me....

Will one day
I be selfish enough
to be myself?

Will one day
I be selfish enough
and be myself?

Will one day
I be selfish enough
to be myself?

The Ghost of Television in my Life!

You know what is best about the life in hostel.....i know that springs up a lot many funny ideas in your brain but....to me and to most of my fellow hostel-mates has been the lack of television in our rooms. Its vanishing away from our lives. What I have realized over a past few months is that Television is a, pardon my language, fucking propaganda machine that is used to show what some "elites" think you would like to watch. They show what they think they can mould you into liking. They show what they think is sell-able. One might think what's the problem with that idea. "Why would I watch it if I don't like it?"....But television is not just entertainment...it is your source of knowledge, it becomes your source of ideas, it structures your vision and it directs your reckoning.

At school they run debates based on TV-shows, at homes your mom is too busy watching her favourite family soap that she starts thinking that way (many women might start thinking like those vamps in Ekta Kapoor's serials), daddy might be busy with his NEWS channel. Did you know, most of India's press and news-media runs under direct supervision of foreign-corporates and christian-churches? Did you ever wonder how did Christmas become so popular in India with just 2.3% Christians? Did you grand-father celebrate Christmas? Does you father? No. The but the covetous news channel funded by the churches and non-Indian MNCs tell you that in a glorified kind. They make you believe that it is fashionable, secular and doing so will make you look broad-minded(the man with a perspective). If you really want to be "broad-minded" go and celebrate Muharram with 13.4% Indians - the Muslims. Celebrate Gandhi Jayanti. But it seems that 2nd October is nothing but only a relieving holiday in our mundane lives. A holiday when you sit back at home and watch TV.

Why don't we read books instead? Why don't we watch our local news channels? Go and read a newspaper instead. India as a nation is wasting enough time in front of that rightly called idiot box. We watch them play cricket. C'mon get out of your room, grab a bat and a ball and play the game. I bet you will enjoy more. But what we rather do is to sit back with a cup of tea in our hands and judge those dancers competing for some stupid "India ka Dancing superstar" crown, my point here is it's far more fun to actually dance yourself rather than watching someone else become a hero.

I might have lost direction here and there while spitting the hell out against the dream-world of crores of Indians, the world they show and make you pay for wasting your time. But it is a very good experience to do things on your own rather than watching someone else do it. it is much more satisfactory to actually think about a topic rather than just watching a discussion on that topic. I am not saying that Television does not show anything worthy, it has its pros too. Still, believe me or not, the world is better without it!